if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
