Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
