I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
