so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
