At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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