if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
