The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
