Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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