Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
