Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
