This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
