Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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