Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
