I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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