Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
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I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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