I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
