i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
