3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
