I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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