So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
