I smell stomach acid.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm like, not good at living.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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