So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
