He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
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Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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