go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
