Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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