I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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