I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
