You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
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Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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