Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
