she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
being pregnant is like rehab
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize