marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
