it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have feelings that need drinking.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
