i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
