take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
