Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
