if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
