she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
