weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
