sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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