I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
