Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
