I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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