please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
When are your genitals available?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
