i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
