I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
