Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
