Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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