Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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