you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
