Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
