Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
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I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize