Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
and she was petting her beer can
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
