Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
