problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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