Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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