This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
