I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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