Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
