i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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