When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
