Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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