i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
