there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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