My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
