i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
