so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
