Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
