The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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