used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
