Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
