My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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