I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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