Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
