Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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