either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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